Vpenis

#!/bin/sh
echo `uptime|grep days|sed 's/.*up \([0-9]*\) day.*/\1\/10+/'; cat \
/proc/cpuinfo|grep '^cpu MHz'|awk '{print $4"/30 +";}';free|grep \
'^Mem'|awk '{print $3"/1024/3+"}'; df -P -k -x nfs | grep -v \
1k | awk '{if ($1 ~ "/dev/(scsi|sd|md)"){ s+= $2} s+= $2;} END \
{print s/1024/50"/15+70";}'`|bc|sed 's/\(.$\)/.\1cm/'

Mac OS X and FreeBSD version:

#!/bin/sh
echo `uptime|grep days|sed 's/.*up \([0-9]*\) day.*/\1\/10+/'; \
sysctl -a | grep '^hw.cpufrequency_max' | awk '{print $2"/1000000/30 +";}'; \
sysctl -a | grep '^hw.memsize:' | awk '{print $2"/1024/1024/3+"}'; \
df -P -k | grep -v 1k | awk '{if ($1 ~ "/dev/(scsi|ad|sd|md|disk)"){ s+= $2} s+= $2;} END \
{print s/1024/50"/15+70";}'`|bc|sed 's/\(.$\)/.\1cm/'

• 7.0cm , fd0 , soekris 5501, pfSense 1.2.3
• 7.3cm , xs7.xs4all.nl || xs1.xs4all.nl (scriptje faalt wel een beetje daar)
• 8.7cm , toad.stack.nl
• 28.6cm , Brainsmoke, eeepc 700 2G ram
• 52.9cm , isACK, Dell Inspiron 9100
• 56.1cm , buZz , dell inspiron 640m - 228.2cm , custom htpc @ home
• 61.4cm , chakotay, IBM Thinkpad T60
• 61.9cm , r3boot, IBM Thinkpad T42
• 62.4cm , Tancaliel, IBM Thinkpad R50p
• 64.5cm , FooBar, Sony Vaio TZ21
• 71.3cm , killercow, IBM Thinkpad T60
• 73.1cm , Almachtige, Intel(R) Pentium(R) 4 CPU 3.00GHz / MemTotal: 515540 kB
• 78.1cm , dreamer, Intel(R) Core(TM)2 Duo CPU T7250 @ 2.00GHz
• 78.7cm , Floes, IBM Thinkpad T60p Core Duo T2600 @ 2.16GHz / MemTotal: 2074536kB / FireGL V5200 (en nu niet op OnDemand acpi governor)
• 105.7cm , psy, Thinkpad r61 2gig ram.Intel(R) Core(TM)2 Duo CPU T7100 @ 1.80GHz
• 114.7cm , Almachtige, Intel(R) Core(TM)2 CPU 6300 @ 1.86GHz / MemTotal: 1033472 kB
• 119.9cm , chakotay, workstation (Pentium D805, 2GB, meuk, etc)
• 121.7cm , Almachtige, Intel(R) Core(TM)2 CPU 6420 @ 2.13GHz / MemTotal: 2074536 kB
• 128.0cm , maze, MacBook Pro (Arch Linux i686)
• 128.1cm , Will-Do. Apple MacBookPro 4.1 penryn (early 2008)
• 132.0cm , Aequitas, Macbook Pro Unibody, Intel Core 2 Duo @ 2.53 Ghz / 4GB DDR3
• 138,8cm , thomba.beekhuis.net (ftth pwng3 ;-) )
• 139,3cm , Teller, Thinkpad X301 - 4Gig, 128GB SSD
• 139.6cm , Vicarious, MacBook Pro, Intel Core2Duo @ 2.26 GHz, 2 GB RAM, 160 GB HDD
• 140.7cm , Almachtige, Intel(R) Core(TM)2 CPU 6300 @ 1.86GHz / MemTotal: 2073796 kB
• 142.1cm , Stoney3K, Intel Core 2 Quad Q6600 / 4GB / ATI HD3870, 286.0cm VPS @ AMS-IX
• 149.3cm , Vicarious, iMac, Intel Core2Duo @ 2.4 GHz, 2 GB RAM, 320 GB HDD
• 168.8cm , Quux, AMD Opteron(tm) Processor 146 (1995.02-MHz 686-class CPU), 1GB, FreeBSD 7.2-RELEASE-p5
• 175.0cm , Almachtig, Intel(R) Pentium(R) 4 CPU 3.00GHz / MemTotal: 2843648 kB
• 188.4cm , Stitch, Macbook, Intel Core Duo 2.16 Ghz / 2GB Ram / 500 GB HD(?)
• 190.1cm , Fugu, Macbook, Intel Core Duo 2.00 GHz / 2 GB Ram
• 209.1cm , Quux, MacBook Pro 13", 2.16GHz Intel Core Duo, 2GB 667MHz DDR2, Mac OS X 10.6.2
• 215.5cm , Zarya, Intel(R) Xeon(TM) CPU 2.80GHz * 4 (dual core) / 3GB Ram
• 224.8cm , FooBar, Intel Xeon 2.4 Ghz, Quad core, 1GB @ NL-IX
• 229.9cm , FooBar, Core2 Duo Mobile, 4GB, 2.05T raid, homeserver
• 243.6cm , Gwyrrdin, unibody macbook pro, 4 GB, net r3boot gedaan
• 248.0cm , ddsw.colo.bit.nl :P
• 264.0cm , lilo.science.ru.nl AMD Opteron 1218 (dual-core) @ 2613.242MHz 4GiB RAM (niet mijn bak --MrNGm)
• 268.6cm , Fugu, 1.8 GHz PowerPC G5, 2.5 GB Ram
• 304.6cm , gido, Thinkpad r61 2gig ram.Intel(R) Core(TM)2 Duo CPU T7100 @ 1.60GHz
• 331.1cm , Mort, Macbook Pro 13", Intel Core 2 Duo 2.53Ghz, 4GB DDR3, Mac OS X 10.6
• 376.3cm , Brainsmoke c2d 8G ram
• 379.2cm , ]V[ workstation ubuntu
• 428.6cm , killercow, utils.eth-0.nl, Quad Opteron 850 / MemTotal: 7661852 kB (r3boot, slet zet m'n raid arrays eens aan | Staat aan, pik)
• 481.1cm , Quux, MacBook Pro 13", 3.06GHz Intel Core 2 Duo, 8GB 1067MHz DDR3, Mac OS X 10.6.2
• 532.6cm , diggie@serenity:~$ echo 'Intel Core i7 + 8GB DDR-3 + twee 500GB Sata diskjes'
• 552.4cm , VictorB Quad core workstation
• 606.3cm , Zarya, pindakaas.home.gigafreak.net AMD Athlon(tm) 64 X2 Dual Core Processor 5600+ * 2 (Dual core) / 4GB Ram
• 689.3cm , Gwyrrdin, 24" iMac 2.4 Ghz Core2Duo of zo, 4 Gb
• 713.7cm , r3boot, ftp.eth-0.nl, AMDX2 64 4400+ / MemTotal: 8063148 kB
• 900.1cm , KingOfDos @ thuis workstation. Q6600 + 4GB ram + 3x 750GB + 1x 150gb raptor
• 913.2cm , Markk@MindFlow:~$ AMD X2 4200+, 2GB DDR2 RAM, 8800GT 512MB (G92), 3.2TB HDD, Ubuntu 9.10 x86_64 (2.6.31-19).
• 1149.2cm , Fugu, $werkstation @work Quadcore 2.83Ghz, 8GB Ram
• 1229.5cm , killercow, quad opteron 2.4gz, 4gb ram,
• 2274.3cm , r3boot, $bak @ werk, 4 x Dual-Core AMD Opteron(tm) Processor 8220, 65889880 kB ram
• 3390.2cm , Quux, iMac, 2.8GHz Intel Core i7, 16GB 1067MHz DDR3, Max OS X 10.6.2
• 3520.3cm , Midas, Fileserver @ huis, Pentium(R) Dual-Core CPU E5200 @ 2.50GHz, 32TB disks, 8195880 kB RAM
• 5580.7cm , fd0 , Fileserver @ home , Intel(R) Core(TM)2 Quad CPU Q9650 @ 3.00GHz (2992.51-MHz K8-class CPU) , 8589934592 (8192 MB) RAM , FreeBSD 8.0 , 3.08 TB (ZFS)
• 10811.6cm , Lasert, a Storage server @ werk, 2 x Quad-core Intel(R) Xeon(R) CPU L5520 @ 2.27GHz, 74171452 kB RAM, 89423.27GiB + 135.59 GiB
• 12598.2cm , Fx, HP DL 785 G5, 8 x Quad-Core AMD Opteron Processor 8360 SE @ 1,3 GHz, 512 GB RAM, 440 GB @ RAID5 local storage

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ja one liners , commands pipen en greppen , awk, the lot!
[15:46:37] ]V[ says:

http://wiki.eth-0.nl/index.php?title=Vpenis geweldig

[15:47:44] Dagmar requests your attention!

[15:47:59] Dagmar says:
Ik snap er allemaal geen zak van. En dat vriendje achter je heeft die een grotere??;)
[15:48:22] ]V[ says:
ja hahaha
[15:49:00] Dagmar says:
Nou voel ik bepaalde zaken toch nog goed aan ha ha

[15:50:48] Dagmar says:
Is hij van de 713
[15:50:53] Dagmar says:
, zoveel?